You Hold the Key

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“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without” -Buddha

 

So one of my biggest obstacles that I face almost every day is dealing with anxiety. Whether something big or small, anxiety leads me to much unnecessary frustration. It manifests itself so much some days that it affects me physically as well.  Anxiety has the mind racing about anything and everything, which leads to compulsive actions.  It can cause a lot of judgment on yourself as well especially when you frustrate those around you.

Growing up I witnessed my grandmother deal with anxiety each day, and now I understand that for me it was learned. I do not believe anxiety is a type of mental disorder that most see it as, and I don’t agree with taking medication for it. I realize that some cases may be very severe, but in going to counseling I have realized that much of it begins and ends with YOU. Anxiety is all in the mind. That is where it begins and we can control this ourselves. We can supress these thoughts, and end the compulsive behavior. It’s important to find a way to succumb that anxiousness in a way that works for you. First and foremost we have to recognize the patterns that we have created in our minds, often times that began from adolescence.

Each day I am recognizing more and more and catching the nervous thoughts, but because they have happened for so long I have much more work to do. Life without anxiety would truly mean consciousness, because I will not create any moments that I did not actually want to. Along with that I have realized that I cannot judge myself. Dwelling on what if and what should have been is wasting just as much time as the anxiety that has me questioning what could be.

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I was given the key above to carry with me and remind myself that I hold the key to each door in front of me, not anyone else, not even my mind. Keeping it in my wallet and taking it with me wherever I may go is a constant reminder. So although I’ve lived in a pattern of worry and anxiety, I can change that and slowly I have. I can create new patterns that  look to more positivity, and realizing that some things are out of my control and that is ok. And even if it is something I may have some control over and it does not turn out as I’d expected that is ok too. Pushing forward regardless of the outcome because often times we visualize the negative and after having the courage and willingness to move on it is nothing as we’d imagined. Not everything will end in negativity, only if we allow it to. It has been a slow progression for me, but each day I uncover more and more. It is ok to have fear and worry so long as it does not stop you from what you want. I even had much anxiety when thinking about starting this blog and sharing my writing with the everyone regardless of all the push and encouragement I was receiving, because one of my biggest fears has always been judgment.

Finally taking this step feels like a breath of fresh air. I get to express myself just as I have been doing privately, but now it is shared with all of you.  I have received so much positivity that I never thought I would hear and had I listened to my anxiety I never would have.

So any of you dealing with anxiety as well. Just remember. You hold the key. It begins and ends with you and it is NOT impossible even in what feels like your worst moments. It is frustrating for you and especially those around you who may not understand, but work towards positivity and eventually it will just come naturally. Meditate, Exercise, Do yoga, or seek guidance; just find a method of regaining your consciousness and getting back into the moment, your moment. And don’t let that go! ❤

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